A letter to my dear friend:

[and perhaps, a letter to myself]
I've been thinking a lot about the ocean this week.
It's this constantly changing, very much living, thing. Its power is limitless. It lets no one pass through it without demonstrating its strength and immense beauty, its vastness & depth.
Your immense beauty, the depth of your compassion, the vastness of your strength--these are things that you deserve to show. Don't withhold them from anyone.
Be fearlessly yourself. Swim into the depths of your own dreams, knowing that when you come  back to the top, things will be so clear, so fresh, and so beautiful.
Don't be afraid to change. Day to day, you will experience high & low tides. This is called being human. The water will go in and out. Some days, the tide will be lower than others, but don't worry. It will always rise. It rises because of the constant pull of the moon; the constant pull of the things you value and love--those things will keep you afloat. They will pull you in the best direction of yourself.
Know that you hold beauty inside you. Beautiful things make their home inside your heart & mind, just like the beauty hidden beneath the waves of every ocean.
And love--you don't have to go very far or even very deep to find that beauty. It's there, just below the surface. It's aching to be seen, to be put on display.
Treasure that beauty like a prize everyone should want. Your compassion, your love for the world. Your creativity, your perspective, your selflessness--these are things that you should value.
You are vast & deep, strong & calm, bold & beautiful. Remember the ocean. Give yourself grace to plunge into your own depths. The things you will find there will surprise you, but they will not shock anyone who has already seen your own true & unique beauty. 

Harder Lessons, Deeper Love

It's been awhile since I posted something. School and life just consume me and my time. I've had too much fun goofing off with Maggie to find/write meaningful things.
That said, the past month has been incredibly difficult. Full of struggles and confusion, weariness and heavy boots (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close reference. Go read it. Now.).
I am still doubting and questioning. But so much of my doubt these days is directed at myself.
I am constantly asking whether or not I am good enough. For Davidson. For my family. For my friends. For anyone to love.
It consumes me. And I become fearful and anxious.
In the midst of a lot of turmoil this week (the details of which I will spare you), my heart was wrung and broken and frustrated and angry and so many different things. Old wounds and new wounds, opened and torn, exposed and ugly, hurting and bleeding.
I told a friend that these wounds never really seem to heal.
I probably sound really dramatic right now (which I am), but this is my heart, and it's the best way I know how to describe what I feel.
In times like this when I am so vulnerable and am just aching for some reassurance of hope and love, I am so hesitant to run toward Christ.
What is that about?
I won't ever understand it, except to say that my broken and sinful heart is untrusting and unfaithful. I cling to the hope that I will be good enough to fix things.
Tonight I grieved over my inadequacy, and that before everyone, and especially before God I will never be good enough.
And yet--as inadequate as I am--He loves me.
Purely. Simply. Completely. Perfectly. He knows I cannot return this love. Not in this life. But He loves me anyway. Beyond my comprehension.
And in Christ, I am made perfect. My inadequacy, my shortcomings are no longer a thought because He makes me righteous.
How quickly I forget these truths. I actually run away from them. But like the perfect Father, Husband, and Spirit that He is, God pursues me. I know that He loves me as a Father--I am a beautiful daughter, one whom He created lovingly. I know He loves me as a husband should--I am part of the beautiful body of Christ, His bride. And I know that His Spirit, that Being which knows God's innermost thoughts, loves me and interceded for me tonight when I could not move my heart to pray. He spoke to me in my weakness and reminded me of the immeasurable, unrestrained grace and love of God. A dear friend reminded me tonight (praise God for faithful friends!) that "the love of God is stronger." He is stronger than my weakness, His grace is sufficient in my weakness, and His love preserves me.
So humbled and grateful.

"As for you, O Lord, you will not restrain your mercy from me;
Your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me!"
--Psalm 40:11

The Spirit

"For who knows a person's thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God."
--1 Corinthians 2:11-12

I rediscovered this passage on Friday, and it blew me away. The past month or so I have been reminded that my God is three persons--the holy Trinity. I feel like I focus so much on God as my Father and Christ as my Savior, and I just sort of acknowledge that the Spirit is there, but don't really pay much attention to what He does or is doing.
Praise God for grace and that He reveals himself to us.
I am seeing the Spirit work in so many ways in my life and in others. I am seeing people lead Spirit-filled lives. Every sermon at church has talked about the Spirit and His work in us, His presence in us.
So when I reread these verses in 1 Corinthians, the Spirit had already prepared my heart. I was so encouraged. Who knows a person's thoughts and heart but his own spirit? So God's spirit knows all of his thoughts, his whole heart. And God graciously, mercifully, lovingly gives us His Spirit--the One who knows Him best. He gives us the Spirit, and He lives in us, revealing the Father's heart to us.
What a glorious gift! And I know that is just the surface of the power of the Spirit.
Grateful to be learning.

Confession

The church I've been going to here always has a confession of sin that we read together as a congregation.  I've really valued this in my experience at this church--I cannot hide my sins from those around me. They cannot hide their sins from me. We confess publicly; we confess together. And after we confess, we read an assurance of pardon--we have abundant grace and the constant promise of forgiveness from Christ. It is such an encouragement, and I love that I am able to go through this process of confession and assurance with my congregation.
This was the confession from last week. The Lord used it to convict me of what I've been struggling with lately:

"Heavenly Father, we lack faith. Our faith in your will drifts.

We doubt the perfection of your plan for the world and for our lives. We grow skeptical of the goodness of your will. We struggle to believe you truly have a good purpose, [working through] every evil thing that has happened, or ever will.

Holy Spirit, we lack faith. Our faith in your power wanes.

We doubt your ability to make real change in the world and in our lives. We grow skeptical of your ability to work miraculously. We struggle to believe you can penetrate the hearts of our lost friends and family.

Christ Jesus, we lack faith. Our faith in your grace fades.

We doubt the scope of your redemptive work in the world and in our lives. We grow skeptical of your real and present intercession on our behalf. We struggle to believe that you will return for us.

Forgive us, God, for we lack faith."

I would emphasize that I doubt God's goodness. Constantly. As I consider the struggles of my life, the struggles of the people I have met around the world, God's goodness, His perfect love become less and less real. Less tangible, less true. I wonder if I am placing my faith in empty words and promises. I desire to simply run, to hide, to cling to my efforts to be something and do good things.

I lack faith. I am faithless.

But I was so encouraged by the assurance of pardon. It comes from part of 2 Timothy 2:13. Normally, I'm not a fan of pulling parts of verses out of context, but there is so much truth in this statement:

"Even if we are faithless, He remains faithful."

God is constantly pursuing my doubting heart, running after me, even as I run away from Him. He waits patiently, even when I am impatient with Him. He loves even when I do not love him. He loves perfectly, as my Father, my Savior, my Rock, the Founder, the Perfecter of my faith. A sweet friend has been encouraging me that He will be faithful to complete the good work that he began in my life (Philippians 1:6).

I am grateful for this today.
Praying for grace to be continually thankful and to remember God's constant goodness and love toward me.

A Blessing

I've been a terrible blogger, for those few of you who read this thang.

At the start of the school year, and even throughout the summer, I was able to be a resource for the students going on this year's Global Gap Year (GGY) with Thinking Beyond Borders. There are two GGY groups this year as well as a Gap Semester group in Ecuador, which is so exciting! More driven and bright students who want to learn about creating change on a local and global scale. Anyway, some students emailed me with questions and concerns, and I attempted to allay those concerns and answer their questions from my experience with TBB. It was such a neat thing, reflecting on my journey and really beginning to understand the gravity of what we did.

I did a huge thing.

I took a trip around the world! For eight months! It's amazing how quickly I make that seem like no big deal.

But anyway, I keep receiving emails and updates from Robin, and my TBB group has a thread going on Facebook that's particularly active right now. I am just realizing what a rare community I am a part of: people who genuinely care, who work and think hard, not for themselves, but for the sake of others.

What a beautiful picture of God's grace and how we are created in His image! 

I am so blessed to have had this opportunity. And it just makes me more excited for whatever it is that I end up doing in life. The Lord has made it clear in the past few weeks that I can use my passions and talents as a way to give people a voice--to share their stories with the world in ways that will affect lasting change.

I don't really know the details surrounding that yet, but the Lord is gracious and he provides, so I'll figure it out eventually.

Basically, I'm just thrilled to be a part of something like TBB. That trip truly changed my life in so many ways. I think differently now, I question everything--but not in a maddening way. I question the way things are done because I am always wondering if there is a better way. And I find that I am more willing to take on a challenge; if I believe in something, I'll stop at nothing to get it done. That is all attributed, by God's grace, to Thinking Beyond Borders. TBB stretched me, pushed me, infuriated me, and ultimately allowed me to see exactly what it is I am capable of: anything I put my mind to.

So. I'm excited to say I've found some students here at Davidson who are like-minded; they believe in the power of youth creating change and of real, grassroots level work. We are beginning a youth-service initiative here in Davidson, and things are moving fairly quickly. I don't want to spoil anything, but once we really get things up and running, I will post something more in depth about that project.

(Get excited. It's gonna be awesome.)

Also. I'll be posting soon about college in general and the adventures I've had the past couple months.

Thanks for reading this long, rambling post. And I have to say thanks to Mrs. Dougherty, who found TBB for me and encouraged me to take a gap year--I would not be where I am without you! Thanks to Robin, Chris, Andrea, and my awesome PLs for your vision and everything you do to serve all the TBB students. Just know that I am so grateful to be a part of such a passionate and inspiring community.

Blessed.

Also. I was looking through pics from TBB. Here are some highlights:

 Me and Colin

 Ecuador host family and Alex

 Inca Trail budsss

 This was a random Indian family who wanted a picture with us at the Taj!

 The girls with Scott at the top of the cathedral in Quito. I miss them!

 First ride to Los Naranjos--in the back of the truck. Yes please.

 You know, just jumping on the Great Wall with the girls.

 Laughing at a fort in India. Love these girls.

 Looking ridiculous on the Inca Trail on Halloween. Raynie, I miss you!

Sweet friends. In freezing cold China.

Thanks for stopping by! :)

This Fall

Stuff I'll Learn:
-Literary Analysis
 Designed for majors. Emphasizes theoretical approaches and critical strategies for the written analysis of poetry, fiction, and drama. Writing intensive. Required for the major.
-Intensive French (101 and 102)
  Beginning French. Learn conversational French quickly. Meets every day for 6 class-hours per week plus meetings with an assistant teacher (AT). Completes two semesters of French in one semester. Equivalent to French 101 and 102. Counts as two courses and prepares for French 201.
-Seeing Images, Writing Texts: Writing Studio
  A Writing 101 course designed to teach writing that draws upon both your intellect and your imagination. This course seeks to open up new ways of seeing and channels of creativity that will enable you to read, analyze, and communicate more effectively. Our inquiry will focus on texts that crow genres and disciplines, draw upon the arts and sciences, and combine words and images in innovative ways. Writing assignments will invite you to draw upon your own creative and critical faculties, using both words and images to create clear and compelling arguments.

Summer Reading:
In the Sanctuary of Outcasts, by Neil White.
Excellent read, totally worth it. A memoir about a prison sentence and the US's own personal leper colony in Carville, LA.

Where I'll Live:
Cannon Dormitory, 4th floor

Roomie:
Ellie from LA! She is interested in Biology and Art, and I am so looking forward to getting to know her.

What I'll Be Doing:
Right now the only definitive plan is changing the world with my new friend Aric. We have a legitimate plan, and I'll be keeping ya'll updated on that. It's gonna be awesome.
I'll hopefully be getting into a campus ministry and some sort of singing group, whether it's choir or acapella or something else.
And having a blast with my new friends.


Excited?
Absolutely!!

Lessons in Love

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries. Avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.
But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.
To love is to be vulnerable.”
—C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves

My mom wrote this in my awesome journal recently (she made it before I left and had my friends and family write in it--something from someone for every day--Sept. 8th through April 29th!). When I came across it on the day she wrote it, I fully understood what C.S. Lewis meant and why my mom wrote it in my journal. This quote was so fitting for this entire year, especially from South Africa on.
I have met some truly amazing people this year, and I'm going to list all of them (mainly for my sake, so bear with me): Angelica, Carlos, Nayely, Andy, Shaxi host parents, Alek, Amit, Mohit, Marie, Sindiswa, Mandy, Dee, Katie, Shaneen, Angone, Shuerea, Lushea, Amonique, Ashelita, Angelique, Kattou, Susie, Francisca, Shanise, Lauren, Emily, Celeste, Deacon, Dino, Ryan, Eugene, Macwin, Nazim, Ricardo, Axhamile, Lucipo, Whitney, Anaschka, Imo, Analo, Yollo, Inga, Luciano, Victor, Abel, Aunt Letty, the sweet "thumbs-up" lady, Asenathe, Michael......not to mention my incredible TBB family--Alex, Mckinley, Kasha, Jon, Rayn, Connor, Mary, Rachel, Eirann, Lauren, Faith, Luisa, Maddie, Jessie, Lorena, Scott, Andrea, Robin....I think that's everyone but geez the list could go on!
I will have you know that I love, and I truly mean I love each person I listed. They are from all different countries and walks of life.
I'm having trouble articulating what I learned and what I want people to realize...
I think Lewis summed it up so well: love, and you'll likely be hurt. Your heart will be ripped, crushed, everything short of being destroyed.
I know this. We all do. It is becoming ever so clear to me this year, as I experience one heartbreak after another.
But at the same time, I've honestly realized that the most significant lesson I've learned over this year (I apologize if you think this sounds cheesy) is love.
To love is the most important calling I have in life.
What else could bring more glory to God than loving Christ above all and loving each and every human I encounter? What else could be more rewarding than sharing my heart, than giving to people? And what else could have more of an impact on me and those around me?
This is our calling. It's fairly explicit in the Scriptures that love is the highest command (Matt. 22:34-40). And Lewis' quote is not an original idea--Paul says as much in 1 Corinthians 13. And the gospel is love. In its purest form. And what a beautiful thing it is! Oh that we had a little more of that in the world!
And something I have been challenged with as a believer this year is having genuine love for people and allowing that true, deep, and Christ-given love to motivate my actions.
I believe that Christians often share the gospel out of obligation.
I know. I said it. It sounds awful. But stick with me here: I find myself thinking frequently that I should share the gospel with so-and-so. That I should be living a life of love toward people.
And that's true; I'm not wrong in thinking that. But I really don't think should  is good enough. Because when I should be doing something....well it becomes a matter of DOING something, and that is not the gospel.
I'm not entirely sure how clear this is turning out, but in the end I am trying to say to myself and to you, whoever you are:
Love. It will be difficult and exhausting. And your heart will be wounded; people will disappoint, betray, and hurt. But Christians and non-Christians alike--there is nothing more important, nor anything more beautiful than pouring out your life in love and service to those around you. That is the picture of the gospel. That is possibly more effective than any sermon, bible study, worship service, or mission trip.
Love. I can only pray that God will continue to give grace for my heart to be vulnerable, torn, beaten, and stripped bare. I would rather endure that pain (as Christ did out of his endless love for me) than anything else in the world because love is the greatest gift anyone could ever receive. And I can joyfully give thanks to God that I received the truest gift of love in Christ.
Praise the Lord.

Friendship is the Perfect Blendship

I'm home. In Raleigh (Rah-lie-juh, according to Rayn).
But first, let me back up a little. My mom, dad, and Josh all came up to Boston for graduation from TBB which was awesome. I am so grateful for each of them, and I'm glad they were able to come. But let me just tell you how blessed I am with amazing friends--Sarah Beth Moore, Kristin Martin, and Annetta Kinton all flew up to Boston to be with me during graduation weekend....WHAT! Kristin still had exams!! They are so incredible, and I'm really in awe of how fortunate I am to have them as friends. And the cool thing is, I know had other friends at home who would have come to Boston if they could--so THANK YOU for loving me enough to even consider that!

Here's the whole group--except Josh I guess. But even Todd Moore came out! He's awesome. We always enjoy time with Todd. :)

Sisterhood of the Tracelong Pants (long story haha) :)

Me and the J-Man (who is now OBSESSED with my dear friend Jon Rosenthal haha)

Anyway. So Boston was a fun weekend. It went by so fast, and I was so conflicted when it ended! Even now, I am torn: I was so relieved, from the moment I drove away with my family to the airport, but at the same time I miss my friends....SO much! And of course I am glad to be home--incredibly glad. Still, I find myself wishing I could go to the farmer's market with Rachel, Mary, and Honi. I wish I could make balloon animals with Eirann, and sing with Kasha and Mckinley. I want to snuggle with Rayn, listen to Rosie's impressions, and watch LOST with Connor. (I really have missed that!) I want to laugh with Luisa and talk with Maddie. I want to go to Monticello with Faith (aka TJ). I'd like to listen to Alex plan her entire life out. I want to reflect and deflect with Lorena, write with Jessie, and be sarcastic with Scott.

This is most of the group--(L to R) Alex, me, Rosie (Jon), Mckinley, Kasha, Rachel, Luisa, Connor, Rayn, Maddie. Silly friends. :)

With the boys!

Girl Band--Rach, me, Kasha (our awesome manager/agent/photographer), Mary, and Mckinley. We're SUPER talented. And gorgeous, of course.

Such awesome girls. I love them to pieces.

And these boys. Oh they are wonderful and I love them dearly. :)

I miss these things. And don't get me wrong--I am so grateful to be back with my friends here at home. The fellowship I am enjoying with the believers in my community is amazing, and I will not take it for granted. I am so blessed.
But after spending 8 months with these people, I obviously miss them. It is interesting to see how each person on my trip taught me something or several things. I love that the Lord uses all sorts of people, believers and non-believers alike, to teach us. It reminds me that we are all made in His image, all precious to Him, all loved by our Creator. We all feel and love and laugh and cry and yell. What a beautiful thing that we are all connected in that way--through the image of a perfect and loving God! He is so good.
So. Those are my feelings right now. I am in a place where processing what I learned isn't coming naturally to me. I'm going to have sit down and force myself to think about things. Typically, I'd write about those things, but today when I sat down to write about being home, this is what came out. I wrote about my friends. They are great people, and I know that they will change the world. I can't wait to hear all their names and use all the blackmail I have on them. :) I love and miss ya'll!
PS--Helloooo mah deauh. Veryyy tireddd todayyy. Sorrrryy mah deauh, I wish I could see you todayyy. Maybe we could listen to Whitney Houston, nay??? :)
I couldn't resist.
PSS--Thanks Cole Porter (and my mother) for the title idea.
PSSS--Jaron Moore, what was the last PS/PSS/PSSS you wrote??

Grace

Life in Plett has continued to be full and busy since my last post. We are looking at our last seminar on Monday as well as the last week of work. Only two more weeks here in Plett, and only three left in South Africa.

Time is flying.

I am finding as I work on my media project (a composition of personal writing pieces based on my thoughts and experiences here) that there is a lot for me to process here. A lot more than I anticipated after being here for a couple weeks. I don’t really know where to begin or what it is that I want to communicate about my time here.

I guess I’ll just put it simply: there is great need here. I saw greater poverty in India for sure, but I believe I see greater suffering here in South Africa. And that is what makes it so difficult. There is a need for better healthcare for everyone in the townships. People need treatment, and they need it to be easily accessible. That’s a difficult task for the tiny, understaffed clinics that are packed full of patients. There is a need for jobs—unemployment is a huge problem here. There just aren’t enough jobs.

It takes a lot out of you, working here. And I feel as though I don’t even have the difficult lot. Many of my friends see multiple HIV/AIDS patients every week. I only have one HIV patient who is 2 years old and whom we visit only once a month. While I am seeing suffering, I would say it is relatively less than what my friends are seeing each day.

And yet it is still difficult. I talked to a friend here who made me ask myself, “What if these were my friends and family struggling to get care?” For my aunt who had lymphoma, there would have been nothing the doctors could do. For my Granddaddy who gave up smoking, he would have died a long and even more painful death. My Granny, who suffered from Alzheimer’s would have wasted away without the same care that she received in the States.

It’s hard to think about, but that is the reality for these people.

Since Cambodia, and all throughout India, I asked myself, “Why? Why them, and not me, God?’ I could just as easily have been born in Kurland village, have several siblings, and a father who drinks away any money we have. So why wasn’t I? I could be a street kid in Jaipur begging for money every day. I could be a landmine victim in Cambodia who has to work in the rice paddies every day.

Why them and not me?

I’m not writing this to say that I have all the answers, because I most certainly do not. But I have come to realize that all I can do to answer or find peace in these questions is trust in and rely on God’s grace. It is by his grace that I discovered it was about his grace. In India I was seriously struggling with this issue. I sent an email to my mom who forwarded it to friends and family, and I shared my struggles. I was overwhelmed by responses from people who have asked the same questions and have continually found God faithful. I wept as I realized that God did not have to extend grace to me, but he did—praise God! And while I may not understand why I am so blessed in so many ways, I do know that God is always good and that his ways and plans are perfect.

So as difficult as it is to be confronted with suffering here, I am choosing to trust in my good and sovereign God. I was reminded yesterday that his grace is limitless. Unlike my ability to keep going through trials, God’s grace doesn’t only go “so far.” It abounds, it overflows, it is always there. And he will not cease to give us his grace.

I hope you are resting in the grace of Christ. It is a glorious place to be.

Oh and thank you to all of my friends and family who sent me those sweet responses when I was in India—God used them so much to calm my heart, and I am so grateful that I know each and every one of you. I’m sorry it has taken me so long to thank you, but I suppose it’s better late than never.

Kurland, Church, and Bungee Jumping

Well, it's sort of surreal to actually be here. I mean it was surreal to be in South Africa a week ago, just because this is the country I've been looking forward to since Day 1....but to be in Plettenberg for a month, studying and working...that's SUPER surreal.
I'm sitting at a restaurant that has Wifi right now drinking a Macadamia Frappe (it's really good!) in the middle of Plett's main street. There are boutiques and cafes and sports/surf shops all along the road, nice cars, roads that are fully intact. There are ice cream shops and delis and people in cute beach clothes everywhere. It's a relaxed town, a true beach town. I'm about an 8 minute walk from the beach right now. (Mind you it's down a steep hill that is grueling (for me at least) to climb up again--but i'll be in really good shape by the end of my month here!) We have our seminars in a restaurant right on the beach--we hear it and smell it the whole time we're discussing HIV/AIDS and public health. My house, which is also housing Kasha, Mckinley, Alex, Maddie, Eirann, and Lauren, is about a five minute walk from Plett's main street. And it's awesome. There are four bedrooms, a real kitchen, fresh fruit, a pool, clean tap water, a WASHER, a coffee maker...the list could go on. Our "host dad," if you can call him that, is named Bruce. I wish I could describe him....he's pretty hardcore. Bruce is a surfer and loves nature. He has spent time in the South African army, sailed part of the globe on a yacht, lived in Botswana, volunteered with HIV positive patients, and is now working with plant medicines for various diseases. He's been fun to be around, and all of us are enjoying ourselves.
I started work with my careworker this past Monday. My carer's name is Marie, but it's pronounced MAH-ree, not Muh-REE. :) I'm working in Kurland village with McKinley and her careworker Sindiswa. We are having a blast together. We have a couple difficult cases; one man has Parkinson's, and he's so sweet. I am enjoying getting to know my patients.
On Wednesday Marie, Sindiswa, McKinley, and I all went to church at the Methodist church in Kurland. The service was very Methodist, but the music was very African. I loved it. Marie led the singing, and I really enjoyed getting to see how they worshiped. And it was just SO GREAT to be at church!
Yesterday I went bungee jumping off the highest bungee bridge in the world with nine of my friends--SO CRAZY! It was literally the most insane experience of my life. I have some really great pictures that I'll try to post soon. I can't say that bungee jumping is something I will ever do again, but I am SOOO glad that I went. How many people can say they've jumped off the highest bungee bridge in the world?
I can. :)
Anyway. Tomorrow we're hiking Robberg, which is a famous view here in Plett. I am not really looking forward to the hike so much as I'm looking forward to the pictures I'll get. It's supposed to be really spectacular.
I'll post again soon. I hope you all are well--thanks for reading! :)

"There is no Frigate like a Book/ To take us Lands away..."*

Book: The Magician's Nephew
Author: C. S. Lewis
Quote:"Then two wonders happened at the same moment. One was that the voice was suddenly joined by other voices; more voices than you could possibly count. They were in harmony with it...cold, tingling, silvery voices. The second sound was that the blackness overhead, all at once, was blazing with stars....One moment there had been nothing but darkness; next moment a thousand, thousand points of light leaped out...The new stars and the new voices began at exactly the same time. If you had seen and heard it, as Digory did, you would have felt quite certain that it was the stars themselves which were singing, and that the First Voice, the deep one, which had made them appear and made them sing."
Thoughts: I know that was a long quote. Forgive me. But this book, which is actually the first of seven in Lewis' Narnia series, is one of my favourites. Lewis give us the creation story of Narnia--before it was spoiled by the winters of the White Witch. He uses beautiful imagery; the Lion, Aslan, creates the world of Narnia through song. Lewis cleverly provides backstory for The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe: he not only shows how Narnia was created and how the White Witch came into being, but he also tells us how the Wardrobe was made and why it leads to Narnia. It's short, easy, and definitely worth the read.

Book: Half the Sky
Authors: Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn
Quote: "It appears that more girls have been killed in the last fifty years, precisely
because they were girls, than men were killed in all the battles of the twentieth
century. More girls are killed in this routine “gendercide” in any one-decade than
people were slaughtered in all the genocides of the twentieth century.
In the nineteenth century, the central moral challenge was slavery. In the
twentieth century, it was the battle against totalitarianism. We believe that in
this century the paramount moral challenge will be the struggle for gender
equality around the world."
Thoughts: This was part of the TBB library for India, and I am so glad I read it. Kristof and WuDunn, long-time journalists, shed light on many problems that women face worldwide: from maternal mortality, to sex slavery, to female genital mutilation. It is an easy read, with story after story of women who are impoverished, have been rescued from sex slavery, and have had fistula repairs. Not all the stories are happy and successful. There is no sugarcoating the issue here. But Kristof and WuDunn make it clear that these are not impossible problems to tackle. In the back of the book, there are a number of remarkable organisations working with women all over the world. Some were started by women who faced and conquered these issues, others were started by school kids. In the end though, Half the Sky makes you want to DO something. And it makes it clear that you actually can.

Book: A Crime So Monstrous
Author: E. Benjamin Skinner
Quote: "Immigrants, the lifeblood of America, usually come into the country only if they have the means to pay for the journey. Now, some human smugglers offer the chance to immigrate with little or no money down. The offer always comes with strings attached, however. And sometimes, it comes with chains."
also
"This is an act so unnatural, a crime so monstrous, a sin so God-defying, that it throws into the shade all other distinctions known among mankind." -William Lloyd Garrison
Thoughts: Another find from the TBB library! This book is an interesting review of modern-day slavery and the steps that have been taken (or NOT taken) to abolish it. It is again filled with personal stories from Skinner and different slaves he encounters. He looks at sex slavery which is the most obvious or globally known form of slavery, debt bondage, child slavery, and many other instances of forced labor. Skinner defines slavery very clearly. There are some sections where Skinner talks about US efforts to stop slavery, and I wondered, "Why is this relevant, and why are you continuing to talk about this?" Ultimately, however, this was an eye-opening book demonstrating that slavery--true slavery--is a reality for people all over the world; there are more slaves today than ever before. And I just had to ask myself, "What am I going to do about it?"

Book: The Namesake
Author: Jhumpa Lahiri
Quote: "Gogol says nothing. He has not read the story himself. He has never touched the Gogol book his father gave him on his fourteenth birthday. And yesterday, after class, he'd shoved the short story anthology deep into his locker, refusing to bring it home. To read the story, he believes, would mean paying tribute to his namesake, accepting it somehow."
Thoughts: I loved this book (also from the TBB library). It was an interesting novel about an Indian family living in America. The parents grew up in India, but their children grow up surrounded by American culture (and they clearly prefer it). It made me ask myself how I view foreigners in America, how I view my surroundings in another country (aka someone else's home), and what makes something "home." The characters are relatable, and it was an easy read. I felt like I'd gotten to know Gogol throughout the course of the book. It was definitely a good read.

*The title of this blog is from the first two lines of Emily Dickinson's poem "There is no Frigate like a Book." It's one of my favorites. :)

Ask yourself once...Ask yourself twice...Ask yourself three times...**

Here are some questions I've been asking myself about food. I'd encourage you to consider them for you and your family as well. I still don't know the answers to most of these questions--they will require a lot of research for me when i get home. But i think they're important questions to ask!

1. Where does my food come from?
-if I get it at the grocery store, it's likely being imported to the store--meaning that there are severe environmental impacts when they ship it here--SO
2. What can I get locally? And what would be the benefits of getting my food locally?
-i've realized that it supports local, small-scale farmers; AND it has less of an environmental impact (not as much transportation, meaning less fuel used, etc.)
-if i get my food locally, it's building community--a relationship with the farmer and perhaps other regulars at a farmer's market
-as a believer, i think those relationships could lead to sweet friendships and GREAT opportunity for the gospel--that's something i couldn't get if i'm getting my vegetables from a farmer in Chile!
3. When asking WHERE food is grown, you also have to ask HOW is my food grown?? (This obviously relates primarily to fruits and veggies)
-is my food being sprayed with pesticides? Are farmers using chemical fertilizer?
-if you eat locally, it's easier to figure out what your farmer is using on his crops.
4. What are the benefits/harms of pesticides and chemical fertilizers?
-do the benefits (more food and faster) outweigh the damage it could/does do to my body?
5. Where does my meat come from/how is it fed?
-is it grass-fed? (did you know that the majority of US cows are fed corn--cows don't even naturally eat corn)
-are the animals given hormones to make them grow faster?
-is my meat being treated humanely?
okay, with this one, you may be saying, "I don't care how it's treated, I just want meat." BUT in my readings here, it's generally shown that places where the animals are grass-fed/free range and are treated better produce better meat. Also, you have to ask:
-as a part of God's creation, don't animals deserve a little better? And as stewards and caretakers of God's creation, shouldn't we be ensuring that we treat God's creatures well--without giving them things that aren't natural and that could potentially bring harm to OUR bodies?
6. What is my responsibility as a Christian to ensure that I am being a good steward of God's creation? And what does that mean for my life with regard to food?
7. What is my aversion to eating organically grown or prepared food? Is it because I'm uncomfortable with the changes it would make to my lifestyle? Or is it because I consider organic food to be the realm of "hippy liberals?"
8. HOW can I become a responsible steward of the creation around me? and how can I change my lifestyle to support more sustainable practices of growing/producing food?



**The title of this post is a shoutout to the TAR class of 2010. Don't you miss Mrs. Cox?? :D

A Reminder

More than anything else could ever do, the gospel enables me to embrace my tribulations and thereby position myself to gain full benefit from them. For the gospel is the one great permanent circumstance in which live and move; and every hardship in my life is allowed by God only because it serves his gospel purposes in me. When I view my circumstances in this light, I realise that the gospel is not just one piece of good news that fits into my life somewhere among all the bad. I realise instead that the gospel makes genuinely good news out of every other aspect of my life, including my severest trials. The good news about my trials is that God is forcing them to bow to His gospel purposes and do good unto me by improving my character and making me more conformed to the image of Christ.
-Perspective in Trials, A Gospel Primer, Milton Vincent

What Does Food Mean to You?

**I've been asking myself a lot of questions about food since I've been here. One of them being, "What does food mean to me?" These are just some thoughts I've had.**

Family dinners are common in my house. Granted, the past 3 years have been insanely and unfortunately busy, so they have become a little less frequent. However, I am lucky to have a family where it is important to eat dinner together. We sit down all together at the kitchen table, maybe turn on some music, and eat.
And I've realized from shoveling cow poop every day (and I suppose from our seminars as well...) (okay mainly from our seminars, but still!) that food is somewhat essential in bringing us together. Dinner is where I have some of my favorite memories growing up. Dinner is where I learned how to think for myself. Dinner is where my family and I learn about what's going on in each person's life. And dinner is where we share food together.
It's a food culture, you see. And I think it's very important in the US.  At least in my circle of friends at home, when there's a party or social gathering, there's typically some sort of food involved, whether it's a meal or snacks or dessert. When you want to get to know someone or catch up with them, you invite them to dinner or lunch. On birthdays, we look forward to cake. During the holidays, there are certain foods we can't wait to eat.
This is just one part of our food culture in the US, but it's one that I really appreciate. Food is a way to bring people together. It's a bond we share. That's what food means to me.
So I'd like to ask you too: what does food mean to YOU?
Just thinking out loud. :)

I'm in China!!

China.
Mulan. Fried rice. Asians! Pei Wei. LOTS of people. People who eat dog. People who speak the amazing language of Chinglish. Communist.

This is probably what the average American thinks of when they think of China. And this is kind of what I thought of before I landed in Kunming on November 6th, after 40 hours of travel, during which I and my group never experienced November 5th, 2010.

We arrived exhausted, sleeping the entire way thought the 3 hour bus ride to the smaller city of Tonghai.. After getting "orientated" (yes, I know that oriented is the correct term) and spending some time with some Chinese students, we drove back to Kunming and met our host families. We were all pretty nervous for this one I think--you see we're all staying alone here in China, and none of us speak the language. And then we settled in and began figuring out our individual routines--bus routes, bike routes, which way to walk, what to do when we get lost. We are getting used to seeing Chinese characters everywhere, not using words like, "Esta bien," "Gracias", and "Aqui!" We've also been spending time figuring out where the good "Western" restaurants are, as well as where a movie theatre is to see the new Harry Potter movie (which we now all have tickets to. We will be seeing it at 7pm tomorrow, our time of course. Everyone in the group is going. It's going to be a truly epic event on this trip. We might even dress up!) We now have a general idea of how to make a 40 minute lesson plan for middle and high schoolers because we just finished our first week of teaching.

I'm not sure how to describe my time here in China yet. It's actually been quite a rollercoaster. I've experienced completely absurd moments--mainly Chinese class, when we find out that we've been saying something completely wrong for a week (for example, Eirann interrupted class yesterday when she came to the realization that whenever she'd asked her family for "hot water" she had actually been asking for "water people".....it was an excellent moment). I've been incredibly frustrated---from missing home, to hating the food, to not being able to communicate with my host mom, to feeling like my students will not gain anything from my teaching. I've also had moments where I see how incredibly blessed I am--like this morning at breakfast. I sat there with my host mom, eating oatmeal, a sweet potato, a boiled egg, a tiny purple potato the size of a large grape, and a peeled apple, and I realized how utterly ridiculous and unbelievable it is that I am on this trip. I've had moments of deep sadness---when I read emails from my family and friends, when I saw pictures of my sister and her pregnant belly, when I want to be with them on the holidays coming up, but know that I can't.

I've had times of confusion--as I think about education and what it means to have an oppressive or liberating education, as I think about the purpose of education and how that can vary across cultures. And I've had moments of joy---telling a joke today about a squash and a boiling pot of water, seeing the excitement for Harry Potter build, going to KFC three days in a row with Mckinley and others, understanding something in Chinese, and having an incredibly fun and successful class with some of our 7th graders.

This is the nature of the trip. You never know what the next day is going to be like. It may be a really hard day, it may be one where you're exhausted, it may be one where you can't stop laughing with everyone here, or it may be one where you're simply content with where you are.

I'm trying to remain content with where I am. As I've stated in other posts, I'm learning so much: about relationships with others and how to have patience, to let the little things go, how to be more globally minded, how to be wrong, how to use my education as I think about these issues, how to get around a large, foreign city, how to be alone, but not really alone, and how to depend on Christ.

I hope I can keep these lessons at the front of my mind. And I hope that when the days are hard here--when I'm sick and tired of the bus, the cold, and the Chinese food---I will remember what an amazing blessing this trip is, and how fortunate I am to be here.

I have probably 3 or 4 more posts coming up (The Inca Trail, teaching here in China, and one about some books I've read lately) so bear with me! :) Thanks for reading, and everyone back home---thanks for praying and supporting me! Love you guys!