Wowww so things are moving quickly--not too much longer now! Part of me is so ready to just GO already. But then I think of all I have to do, and of all my family and friends, and I am grateful for another month.
I got a backpack finally! It's an Osprey Kestrel 48. I really like it; it has some cool features. It's adjustable, so other people in my family can use it. I got some pants and socks and such....So I am working on a packing list and looking at what I can realistically take. It's a bit overwhelming.
I got our entire itinerary today! It's crazy. The flight to China takes two days because we're leaving from Peru....I don't think many people go from Cuzco to Kunming. So we go from Cuzco to Lima to San Salvador to LA to Hong Kong to Kunming! I also had a Skype call with two other students tonight, one of TBB's founders, and one of my group leaders. It was really cool to talk to people and get to know them a little better. Both of the girls seemed really cool! Everyone is so different with all these different interests. I can't wait to meet everyone.
I've been reading some blogs from people that went on the trip last year--there are a couple alumni who are helping us out on facebook...answering questions, calming fears, etc. It's very helpful. :) Anyway, as I read these blogs, I finally realized exactly what I'm getting myself into...
You might be reading this saying, "Yeah, you should have realized that before." But it's 30 days left. Exactly one month from today, I will be on a flight from Miami to Costa Rica. I'll have left my family and friends for eight months. Eight months of new families, new religions, no real bathrooms (except in SA), poverty, sweat and nastiness, intense discussion and debate on topics I have really never studied, the same clothes all the time, no peanut butter or Dr. Pepper, and very likely, no Christians.
And to be honest, I'm terrified. Three people went home early last year. I'm not sure why, but they did. I'm terrified that I won't raise enough money. I'm terrified that I'll get sick or injured and I'll have to go home. I'm terrified that my host family experiences will be miserable. I'm terrified to meet all these new people--especially after leaving my friends of 12 years. I'm terrified that I will just become so spiritually exhausted that I won't be faithful to pray, to be in the Word, to love people. I'm terrified that I will put Christ to shame (more than I already do by being a sinner).
But I guess that's normal. And healthy. It would be a bad thing if I went in thinking that this trip would be a piece of cake or just all vacation. It will be physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually wearing. I know this. But I also know that it feels so right to be preparing for this trip. I am at complete peace with the fact that I am supposed to be going on this trip. And all my fears and worries--simple unbelief. God will provide money. He will keep me safe. He will teach me through my homestays. He will provide good friends--different friends, but new ones and friends that will teach me. He will sustain me through each situation because He is a gracious and loving God.
Sorry this post is so personal. But I had to put these thoughts somewhere, and it all just kind of came spilling out. Did I mention I have one month left?!
I got a backpack finally! It's an Osprey Kestrel 48. I really like it; it has some cool features. It's adjustable, so other people in my family can use it. I got some pants and socks and such....So I am working on a packing list and looking at what I can realistically take. It's a bit overwhelming.
I got our entire itinerary today! It's crazy. The flight to China takes two days because we're leaving from Peru....I don't think many people go from Cuzco to Kunming. So we go from Cuzco to Lima to San Salvador to LA to Hong Kong to Kunming! I also had a Skype call with two other students tonight, one of TBB's founders, and one of my group leaders. It was really cool to talk to people and get to know them a little better. Both of the girls seemed really cool! Everyone is so different with all these different interests. I can't wait to meet everyone.
I've been reading some blogs from people that went on the trip last year--there are a couple alumni who are helping us out on facebook...answering questions, calming fears, etc. It's very helpful. :) Anyway, as I read these blogs, I finally realized exactly what I'm getting myself into...
You might be reading this saying, "Yeah, you should have realized that before." But it's 30 days left. Exactly one month from today, I will be on a flight from Miami to Costa Rica. I'll have left my family and friends for eight months. Eight months of new families, new religions, no real bathrooms (except in SA), poverty, sweat and nastiness, intense discussion and debate on topics I have really never studied, the same clothes all the time, no peanut butter or Dr. Pepper, and very likely, no Christians.
And to be honest, I'm terrified. Three people went home early last year. I'm not sure why, but they did. I'm terrified that I won't raise enough money. I'm terrified that I'll get sick or injured and I'll have to go home. I'm terrified that my host family experiences will be miserable. I'm terrified to meet all these new people--especially after leaving my friends of 12 years. I'm terrified that I will just become so spiritually exhausted that I won't be faithful to pray, to be in the Word, to love people. I'm terrified that I will put Christ to shame (more than I already do by being a sinner).
But I guess that's normal. And healthy. It would be a bad thing if I went in thinking that this trip would be a piece of cake or just all vacation. It will be physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually wearing. I know this. But I also know that it feels so right to be preparing for this trip. I am at complete peace with the fact that I am supposed to be going on this trip. And all my fears and worries--simple unbelief. God will provide money. He will keep me safe. He will teach me through my homestays. He will provide good friends--different friends, but new ones and friends that will teach me. He will sustain me through each situation because He is a gracious and loving God.
Sorry this post is so personal. But I had to put these thoughts somewhere, and it all just kind of came spilling out. Did I mention I have one month left?!
Thanks for sharing these honest thoughts, Hannah. I suspect that each of your former (that seems funny-sad to say) classmates, in their own way, will know some of this anxiousness and concern about the challenges ahead. Of course it won't be easy. Nothing worth doing usually is. But God will sustain you, grow you, and be your Home away from home. You will likely discover your calling, your vocation in the richest sense of the word, what author Frederick Beuchner says is "the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet." God go with you.
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